Rethinking the “Good Death” Narrative When Consoling Bereaved Parents
Sometimes well-meaning, sympathetic words fail when faced with reality.
How the f*ck is your child dying considered a ”good death?” Come on.
The idea of providing a comforting “good death” for terminal children may be consoling for healthcare providers, but the idea that it is considered palliative to parents seems to be a fantasy.
There are a lot of words for it. Whether a patient is moved to hospice, palliative care or pain management, it all means the same thing: It’s time for them and their family to come to terms with the fact that nothing more can be done to save them and they are being moved to end-of-life support.
A March 2024 JAMA article highlights how a comforting terminal care narrative or philosophy protects care providers’ own emotional states, but does little to comfort grieving parents. This is NOT a criticism of soothing or comforting words and support during times of deep emotional trauma. But it does highlight the complex reality of a parent’s grief.
The conventional “good death” framework is ill-suited for pediatric bereavement, because the death of a child is widely considered “out of the natural order.” It also suggests that if certain ideals are not met—such as a pain-free, conscious passing—the death was somehow “bad,” adding guilt, pressure and moral distress to an already agonizing experience.
There is no “GOOD” way for anyone to die, and comforting grieving loved ones is never easy. But it may be more helpful to replace the “good death” script with language that validates the parents’ emotions and emphasizes their continued connection with their child.
